The Real Agni Kai
by th3rdhal3
Summary: What really went down in the Agni Kai between Zuko and Azula...with Katara cheerleading in the background. This is my interpretation of the fire duel between the royal siblings...read and review!
1. Final Agni Kai

The sky was blood red when Zuko and Katara approached the Fire Nation palace. "Yap, yap!" Zuko ordered. They could not afford to not make it on time. Katara gave him an odd glance.

"Um, actually it's 'yip, yip'." She gently corrected. But Zuko didn't care. They were pressed for time. He turned around to snap at his friend.

"No one asked you!" Zuko yelled as his head grew abnormally large. The innocent little water bender shrunk back into the size of a cute little chibi, letting the emotionally challenged boy continue on with his nonsense commands. But Appa was a good and smart six legged flying bison. He understood what Zuko meant and flew as fast as he could.

The wondrous beast landed in the Fire Nation palace courtyard. It couldn't have been timed any better. Zuko's nutty sister was about to be crowned Firelord. Zuko jumped off of Appa with wonderful grace but nearly tripped over himself as he ran to the center of the courtyard. "Stop!" He bellowed, voice almost cracking because he was a teenage boy. "You will not become Firelord, Azula, because I'm gonna be Firelord-believe it!" He shouted.

"Wrong show!" Katara reminded the boy from Appa's side. Zuko whirled around to shout at her once more.

"No one asked you!" Smoke lines rose up from his head. Katara smiled nervously and closed her mouth. Zuko turned back to his sister. Azula gave him a peculiar stare and then laughed in his face.

"You? Firelord? Please. That's like putting a gay, pink platypus-bear in charge of humanity." Zuko shook with rage. His sister was so mean to him, It was quite rude and unnecessary. He stammered for words. "Tha, that's not true!" What a great comeback. "Dad would've made me Firelord first!" Azula giggled again.

"That's a biiiig _would've _little brother." She teased relentlessly. "But you see, Daddy actually loves me; because unlike you, I didn't betray my country, I can actually fight and I'm not a pu-" At that point, the writers/creators burst into the scene and handed the Fire Nation princess a large stack of papers. She skimmed the pages until she found the highlighted section marked 'Language.' A moment later she frowned. She handed the papers back to Mike and Brian, who then left the scene. "Well according to my contract, this is Nickelodeon, and this _is _a kid's show. Apparently there are words that I am not allowed to say." she explained. "So I will conclude this rant by saying that Zuko is a wimpy, sad, fail ninja wannabe hob-knocker!" The prince stared at his sister in confusion. What had she just called him?

"You stole that from iCarly." Katara whispered to herself. "She's gonna get us sued." Zuko, the fail hob-knocker, tried to come up with an insult himself.

"Well, well, you're just a, a mean, cruel, self-centered, conniving-" Azula beamed under the Pagoda, striking a pose because all of the traits Zuko named had described her perfectly. But the teen boy wasn't finished. "Manipulating, rude, selfish, back-stabbing, evil, _**evil,**_little sister!" His 'insults' had no affect on the princess. She simply thanked him.

"Aww Zuzu, how nice of you to say that about me. I knew you weren't a total waste of flesh." she smirked. Zuko was extremely mad now. He hated being called' Zuzu' it made him feel like one of those stupid hamster toys. He was about to throw one of his temper tantrums.

"Yeah well, speaking of gay, I know what you did last summer!" He pointed an accusing finger at her. Azula rolled her eyes and examined her talon-like finger nails.

"That was so five minutes ago Zuko. You really do suck and making good comebacks. And besides, that was all in your head." she coolly replied.

"I have proof!" Zuko hollered, casting a triumphant stare in his sister's direction. Katara, who was pretty dang bored and slightly annoyed at the fact that no action had yet occurred, intervened.

"My stars! Just fight already, will ya?"

"Silence, Water Tribe wench! No one asked you!" Azula glared at Katara, shutting the darker skinned girl up. Yes, she and Zuko were definitely related. The princess turned her attention back to her brother. "You what?" She raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Zuko seemed confused.

"Didn't you get the blackmail thing I sent you?" he asked. Azula glanced up as she tried to recall what he was referring to. She shrugged.

"I thought it was fan-mail. I threw it out." Zuko gasped. No, it couldn't be. She had thrown out his hard work that had taken him weeks upon weeks to piece together evidence. He narrowed his eyebrows.

"You will pay for your insolence!" He roared, charging forward. He leaped into the air and threw a punch. Azula was ready and met his fist with her foot. A sonic boom could be heard and there was a blinding flash as impact was made. Everything seemed to pause for a moment. Katara chewed on her nails in the background. "Oh we are so getting sued for this." Using his magical powers, Zuko back flipped several feet back ad took a fighting stance.

"I challenge you to an Agni Kai!" Azula smiled devilishly. She shooed away the priests who had been present for her coronation.

"Wait!" Katara called out to Zuko. "I can't help you in an Agni Kai. I'll have to helplessly watch you from the sidelines. Plus, wasn't she suppose to challenge you?" She pointed out. Zuko growled because he was flustered and rather frustrated at that point. He wished he hadn't let Katara tag along.

"I'm being proactive!" he barked. "And besides, she's always beaten me, so I have to verse her alone to prove that I'm better. That's how the creators wrote the screenplay, duh. Now hush!" Katara shrunk back again.

"I'll just be quiet now." she suggested. That was a good idea. Azula waited until all attention was back on her before she reacted to Zuko's challenge. She laughed evilly. "Ooh, I've been waiting for this moment since the day I was born." she grinned sadistically. Zuko shifted on his feet. Then he brought up the same issue that Katara had.

"Um, aren't you supposed to say something along the lines of 'brother and sister-the duel that was always meant to be?'" Azula rolled her eyes once more and descended down the steps of the Pagoda.

"Amateur," She muttered under her breath. "Figures. That line was a little too cheesy, so I'm doing some improv; really brother dear, you should try it. Spirits knows how your acting skills need it." she jeered. Zuko punched the air, sending billows of orange flames at his wacky sibling. He ground his teeth.

"You take that back!" Azula dodge-jumped to the side and used her awesome blue flames to propel herself forward as if she were rollerblading. She fought back, sending large jets of blue fire his way. Katara peered out from behind her hands. Things were extremely bright and hot.

"I don't think this is how it was supposed to happen!" she yelled her opinion. But the Water Tribe girl's voice was not heard over the roar of the flames and the siblings' trash-talk. Azula was definitely off. Something about the way she appeared tipped off the heroes that she wasn't at the top of her game anymore; well besides that fact that had totally butchered up her bangs, that is. She was off her rocker...well more than usual. Azula was almost knocked out by a huge orange barrage made by Zuko. The princess missed the the fire by inches, but hit the ground. The ever proud Azula was slipping. "Frick!" She cursed, pounding the ground before jumping back on her feet. "I can say that, right?" There were no objections from any of the writers or peanut gallery. She deemed it safe and continued.

The duel was intense. Because of Sozin's Comet, Zuko, who wasn't all that great of a fire bender to begin with, had the strength of half of Uncle Iroh. And Azula, who was epic enough before the comet even reached the Earth, fought even more epically. Katara thought that they would surely go blind because of all the bright lights. Then, the noise of the fight died down, and an orchestra could be heard.

"Dude, what's with the sentimental music?" Zuko wrinkled his nose as he blocked another blow. Azula shrugged as she went more waves of blue fire at him.

"Probably and effect the writers wanted to use; it makes people wonder anxiously what's going to happen. Am I going to beat you, or are you going to somehow beat me? Plus, it's the season finally and viewers really want to see 'Baldy' fight Daddy. Didn't you pay attention in film class?" Boom! Orange and blue collided in the air once more. The smell of sulfur was overpowering. Zuko remembered how he had zoned out and flirted with Mai while he was supposed to be paying attention to the course. He shook the memories out of his head and focused on the task at hand; fending off his crazy sister.

"Speaking of, how do you think they're doing?" Zuko circled around the court, guard up.

"I've got ten coins on Dad." she replied. As much as he hated to admit it, Azula had made a pretty good bet. Aang was so uneasy about fighting the Firelord, newly the Phoenix King. Zuko agreed with her. "Sorry Aang." he muttered under his breath.

Katara stroked Appa's fuzzy side as the battle raged on. "Yes, Appa. Azula is crazy and Zuko isn't too far from it." The flying bison grunted in response. The water bender cupped her chin in her hand. "You're right, Appa. I should walk heedlessly into the arena. No person without an ounce of sanity left will even think about attacking me." Appa groaned. He hated how Katara always thought she knew what he was trying to say. Katara foolishly stepped out onto the battlefield. "Hey you two!" She hollered at the brother and sister pair. "Somebody win, will ya? We don't have all day!" Zuko tried with all his might to tune her out. Azula used her pure awesomeness and made a makeshift jet pack , pushing off the ground with her blue fire.

"To infinity and beyond!" She soared up until she was on the rooftops. Yep, she was definitely insane at that point.

"Wrong movie!" Katara shouted from literally only two meters from behind Zuko. "This isn't even a movie!" There were so many flaws to point out, yet so little time. Azula was thoroughly annoyed with the Water Tribe girl, pointing out every single detail that was even slightly wrong. If the girl really cared so much, why didn't she take it up with the author of the fan fiction? For obvious reasons, she did not.

"Well it might as well be a movie!" Azula cackled insanely from up above. "It's a 90 minute four-part episode!" she exclaimed. Katara couldn't argue with that logic, and neither could Zuko. Azula began to conjure a blue, electric, power source. "You are more annoying than my own brother, and have pissed me off for the last time! I swear by my pretty flashes of lightning, I will end you! Lightning-Power, away!" The mentally insane teenager forgot that Katara was not part of the Agni Kai and hurled a massive bolt of lightning at the poor water bender.

"Maybe Appa was trying to tell me to stay away from this." Katara whimpered to herself, eying the scary, electrical, painful line of death heading straight towards her. Zuko, feeling a sense of responsibility, charged in front of Katara, dramatic slow motion and all.

"Nooo!" He cried, sprawling himself directly in the path of the lightning. "My true love-don't tell Mai!" The boy was struck so hard that he fell to the ground in a sad, electrocuted mess. He couldn't move. Psycho lady cackled with glee from the rooftops. She needed a mental hospital pronto. "Mwahaha! You die now, water tribe peasant!" Stupid Zuko had to get bumped off then. Katara stared up at Azula with big blue eyes as large as dinner plates. She was royally screwed.

"Cuurrraaaaapp!" Katara bolted out of the way of psycho woman. She wanted to run for the hills, but seeing as that there were no hills, she ran underneath the awning of the rooftops.

"Hey, no fair!" Azula whined, as she chased after Katara. "How come she can say crap, but I can't say-" At that point, the contract was shoved, literally into the princess' face. She growled in rage. "I don't give a damn about this stupid thing anymore, it shall burn in hell!" The papers lit up in a burst of blue hotness. Bye bye contract. And then to protect the innocent children watching the show from any other naughty words and profanity, the camera people went back to Katara who now had the fate of the Fire Nation on her shoulders. The poor girl's mind was racing as she hid from Azula behind a column. The Fire Nation princess might have been insane but she definitely was not stupid. Katara had to do something. No thanks to Zuko who was lying unconscious, getting beta up by Mai, who showed up out of nowhere, for his previous comment. It was all up to Katara. Then, her eyes fell to the flowing water between the grates on the ground. A light bulb went on in her mind. "Hey, I'm a _water _bender!" An idea was forming within her mind.

"You don't say." Mai had taken a short break then went back to abusing her boyfriend.

"Way to ruin my moment." Katara mumbled to herself. Then, her royal psychoness entered the scene, hell-bent on ending the Water Tribe girl's existence. Katara the water bender, did some epic water bending and trapped Azula into a watery-ice type thing. No one really knows. The innocent little kids watching this show were once again safe from the princess' vulgar words. Using the metal shackles that Katara had found conveniently next to the grates, the girl grabbed Azula's wrists and pulled them behind her back. She clamped the dangerous lightning bender down to the floor, using the holes in the grates. The princess was done. Even though Azula would have definitely been able to get out of that one in a jiffy (which we've seen her get out of just about every situation) she was mentally unstable so she could not. But just like the good 'ol Azula we know and love...er admire, the word "defeat" wasn't in her vocabulary. She fought against the restraints, pulling, cursing and breathing blue fire like a truly powerful yet psycho person. The once great Princess Azula broke down in a fit of tears.

"Damn you! Damn you all to hell!" It was a horrible sight to watch. Especially for Zuko, who all of a sudden got better and joined Katara. Though she was crazy and had just tried to kill him, Azula was still his sister. "I'm ruined! RUINED!" she cried. "I'll never be able to play the violin ever again!" More sobbing continued. Neither had ever seen the princess shed tears before. Katara looked up at Zuko.

"She played the-"

"Yes, and she was surprisingly good." Zuko answered the question. Poor Azula. So much talent. So much potential. And she lost it all to...Katara. A water bender. Oh that was going to be an embarrassing story at the next villain convention: Name" All powerful Princess Azula. Defeat: Beaten down by the hope obsessed Water Tribe girl. Katara saved the day...kinda. No help from Zuko! Lazy bum lay around electrocuted while watching his pissed off girlfriend kick his ass. Azula had been right; he was a fail! Zuko didn't deserve the right to ascend to the throne after he totally got owned in the fight. They should have made Katara the Firelord, dammit! Yeah, a water bending Firelord; suck on that, Ozai!

"So what did we learn today?" Katara asked the prince, trying to catch her breath again.

"No more comets while my sister still draws breath?" Katara shook her head. "Uh, my sister is really evil?" Wrong answer again. "My sister is really _really _evil?" Katara slapped her hand to her forehead. She was looking for a simple answer, really; teamwork. "Oh, I know!" The boy enthusiastically tried a fourth time. "Next time, I go unconscious sooner and then you take em all out with your water power!" Zuko punched the air to emphasize. Katara only sighed. Eh, close enough. The boy would never learn the valid lesson.

"Come on," They walked away from Azula, who was still going on about the violin and how she was going to shove it up the writers-oh my. Moving on. "Let's go watch Aang school your dad." Zuko followed the Water Tribe girl, with his 'Team Avatar' shirt ready to go.

"Woohoo!" he cheered. What a battle it had been.

* * *

**Hope everyone liked it. How this fic originated was when I was describing to my friend how I thought everything went down and she thought it was funny so I turned it into a little story!  
~th3rdhal3~**


	2. Some Extra Stuff!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! If you liked this fanfic, be sure to check out my other avatar ones (those are more serious...still humorous though)  
My avatar fics are:

**1. The Memoirs of Sankari: Pride of the Fire Nation**- This fic is written in the perspective of a bending prodigy in the Fire Nation with Zuko and Azula. It's about her take onthe avatar world and the role she played in the war.

**2. The Journey of Karuna: Ally of the Avatar**- Is the sequel to_ Memoirs of Sankari_ (not gonna give away anything)

I have other fanfics too but they aren't Avatar related...so anywho-thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

**~th3rdhal3~**


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